Written By: Cory, A Boogie Girlfriend
Everyone knows that the members of the band 'Boogie On Alice' are pretty repulsive. I am only dating (soon to be marrying) the guitar player because, well, I really enjoy their music... and it's a good excuse to be more social; I mean what else would I do on a Saturday night? I've already taken 23 pictures of my cat and Boogie shows are always fun.
I've been around the band since they formed five or six years ago, and I've picked up a few good tips on how to control my gag reflex in their presence. But this article isn't about vomiting while in their presence... this is about how to suck-face with a member of Boogie On Alice and still be able to eat a decent meal afterwards.
So, if you ever find yourself in the situation of having to play tonsil hockey with one of these four members, here is a quick survival guide:
Sean, the drummer, is probably the cutest, so kissing him shouldn't immediately trigger the throw-up sensation in the back of your throat. But it would definitely come to that eventually, so here's what you do: pretend that you're Hermoine and he is Harry Potter. You like Ron Weasley, but he's taking way too long to make a move. Plus Harry just saved you from Lord Voldermort. Plus he's shirtless. Plus its raining. Bam! You just successfully made-out with Sean.
Travis, the bass player, is more simple because he obviously resembles Ryan Gosling in the Notebook.
You - "It wasn't over for me"
Him - "It still isn't over"
Matt, one of the guitar players, is tricky. He kind of looks like Matthew Fox (hot!!) but he also kind of looks like Andy Samberg (yuck!!). Tread lightly here. You could either have the best make-out session of your life, or you could vomit like you have the 24-hour flu. Choose your own adventure wisely.
Dan, the other guitar player, is also quite tricky. In your head, go back to when you were about 12 years old. Remember how you used to practice kissing on that package of Brawny paper towels (because the Brawny man is ridiculously sexy)? Well, pretend you're back there, leaning in slowly, gently squeezing the loose plastic. Its not the most ideal place to let your mind wander to, but it will work.
Well, there you go. No one likes to be the groupie throwing up in the bathroom sink because they can't handle trying to kiss a band member. Its pretty gross sometimes, but if you keep these tricks in the back of your head, you'll walk away from that awkward moment and be able to keep a hamburger down later.
Disclaimer: all of the members of Boogie On Alice have girlfriends, freakin' hot girlfriends. Do not blame this article if you try to kiss one of them and they end up vomiting in YOUR mouth.