Well, when we first started out, we sat down and drew up a whole list of stage antics that we were confident could impress the ladies and media alike. Scoff all you want, but this list single-handedly put us where we are now. I’ll pause a moment to let that sink in. Just follow this list and you too should be on your way to fame.
FIRST –(and foremost) – Don’t ever go on stage in anything less than a drunken stupor. This is very important for new bands, as it gives you an iron-clad excuse as to why you suck. Don’t take this personally, as all new bands inevitably suck and I am just trying to make this period of “transition” a little easier to swallow for you.
SECOND – If you start a song and realize within the first five seconds that someone is horribly out of tune, just have everyone turn up as loud as they can for the rest of the song. Pass it off as an experimental number. I promise no one will know the difference.
THIRD – If the audience doesn’t seem to be rocking out to the level you were expecting, then simply start playing everything faster and faster until they have no choice. Speed is never a substitute for a good, solid groove, but what the hell do you know; you just got started, and well, these things take time.
FOURTH – Play in your home town as seldom as possible. No one knows who you are somewhere else. I can’t stress the importance of this enough.
FIFTH – Get comfortable saying the following:
1) “We’re really thirsty up here”.
2) “Who’s more stupid – us for doing this, or y’all for sitting through it?”
3) “Who passed out the free downers to everyone?”
4) “I never really talked to my Dad…..that’s what this next one’s about.”
5) “Anybody got extra floor space for tonight?”
6) "The more you drink, the better we get!"
SIXTH – When you do eventually have a run-in with the local media jerk who rags your band all the time, say something like, “You’re just pissed off because not only am I in a band, which you’ll never be, but I am also a better writer than you, which is something you just pretend to be”.
I am confident you will find success with these suggestions. There are plenty more, but those only come in due time, "when you are ready, grasshopper."
if you liked this article try:
Things Every Guitar Player Should Know - Part Two
How to Get New Band Members
How to Get More Fans at Your Next Show
Top ten Reasons Your Band Should Break up
How to Kick Out a Bandmate
Other local bands you should checkout-
Superfrog, Dusty Gray Band,Boogie On Alice, The Ghost Dinner Band
The Van Burens, The 123's, Juliana Cable, Kitchen, The Ron Noyes Band, Diamond Joe, Lucas Gallo, Crunchy Western Boys, BRASBE, Charlie Chamberlain, Run Gazelle Run, Down To The Well, Tyler Road, Ways To Fall, Gorilla Finger Dub Band, Yankee Cockfight